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Self-Growth and Improvement

Self-Growth and Improvement | Self-Esteem | Relationship Help | Cohesive Therapy NYC

Self-growth and improvement can be a rewarding journey. Our team of therapists are ready to walk along side you.

If you’re here, you’re ready to become the best you. Congratulations! Taking the leap to engage in self-improvement can open many doors in your life and lead to a fresh, energized you – whether your self-growth is targeted to one area of your life or many. Self-growth can certainly be a challenge, though, and if you’ve tried to accomplish your goals on your own once before, you may be uncertain of how you can master them now. Whether the improvement you’re searching for is new to you or something you’ve attempted before, our team of therapists is here to support you – all the way.

We will always celebrate your successes with you, but we also know that learning from failure and clearing the way for alternative paths are important too. True self-growth comes not from the steps you take towards your goals but from what you learn along the way. If your journey with improvement has harmed your self-esteem in the past, we will work towards building it back up so you have no doubts about your capabilities or ability to handle setbacks as they happen. How you look at your improvement makes a huge difference in how you proceed.

Perhaps you need a break from self-growth to preserve your mental or physical well-being and need some help adjusting to a lifestyle unfamiliar to you. We will help you learn how to set healthy limits for yourself and how to determine which goals to focus on. Transitioning to a new way of life can be disorienting, but it doesn’t have to be.

It’s also possible that your goals are a little more complicated than meets the eye and involve developing a deep understanding of how you and your partner function together in a relationship. We are here for you then too.

When you commit to self-growth and improvement, you are saying yes to your future. Our team of therapists can help you learn where to take the conversation from there.

SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is a major contributor to well-being. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it can affect all aspects of your life from the job you hold, to the relationships you have, to how you interact with your friends, family, co-workers, and strangers. Most importantly, self-esteem impacts how you communicate with yourself and interact with the world around you.

When you experience self-doubt, you may fail to thrive in certain areas of your life. You may not feel confident in your current career trajectory, or perhaps you may experience imposter syndrome and feel as though you do not deserve what you have achieved. When you tell yourself that you’re not “good enough,” you may stop seeking out romantic relationships or new friendships due to a fear of rejection. Low self-esteem can even result in anxiety and stress and lead to worrisome thoughts that dominate your thoughts or keep you up at night, resulting in tired days that leave you vulnerable to sickness and feeling irritable.

Negative thoughts about yourself can not only be unproductive, but can cause you to create a self-fulfilling prophecy through which your insecurities about an aspect of your life become reality through actions brought on by your deepest thoughts. Some of the beliefs you hold about yourself may be unknown to you and may only manifest in how you engage with your environment.

Feelings of shame, doubt, and inadequacy can lead you astray from your dreams and leave you feeling unmotivated or unsuccessful. You may know this but currently feel unable to break through the wall of your low self-esteem.

When you find a therapist who listens to you, you may discover how events from your past have affected your confidence and self-esteem, perhaps in surprising ways. Overcoming ingrained thought processes means learning to treat yourself with kindness. Over time, therapy can help. You will learn to:

  • Stop automatically blaming yourself for things that happen that aren’t in your control
  • Imagine positive situations for yourself rather than the worst-case scenarios
  • Accept your positive traits and achievements
  • Find productive ways to deal with uncertainty and how to limit worries that small issues may
    actually be much larger in scope
  • Cease polarizing events as “all good” or “all bad”
  • Understand when you are projecting your insecurities by assuming neutral interactions are a
    sign of something negative
  • Increase thoughts that boost your self-confidence and self-esteem, and stop rehashing the past
HIGH-ACHIEVERS

Are you one who others would describe as “conscientious,” “disciplined,” or “high-achieving?” If so, you may have been willing to make a lot of sacrifices for your achievements. Perhaps you take a lot of pride in the quality of your work, the strictness of your exercise regimen, your GPA, the prestige of your job title, or the type of car sitting in your driveway. Maybe you recognize your successes but can’t stop striving to do better, causing others to call you a “perfectionist.”

Or maybe you seek to maintain your excellent standards of achievement but have experienced setbacks that have made you feel confused, frustrated, or stressed out. When you have a difficult time managing your goals, your self-esteem can also take a hit, further worsening the problem.

High-achievement comes with perks, but it can also come with many costs. It’s possible that your high-achieving personality has caused painful rifts in your relationships, physical health concerns, or even financial debt. When you seek to meet or maintain high standards you’ve set for yourself, you are actively engaging in self-improvement. However, when your high standards negatively impact other aspects of your life, it may be time to re-examine your definition of achievement and how you approach success.

If high-achievement is leaving a negative impact on your life or you have hit a wall that’s causing you to feel unhappy, it may help to find a therapist to discuss these concerns with. During our sessions, we will discuss your past achievements, current goals, and lifestyle in order to develop solutions for you, including on how to manage your stress and manage your time. During therapy, we will also help you to:

  • Recognize the progress you have made and the milestones you have already achieved
  • Learn how to effectively cope with stress related to high-achievement and perfectionism
  • Develop new perspectives about your goals, yourself, the achievements of others, and healthy expectation-setting
  • Address burnout, if applicable
  • Limit worries and fears of failure associated with perfectionism
  • Be kind when you speak to yourself, and give yourself grace when you do fail
  • Challenge “all or nothing” or “black and white” thoughts so you can appreciate the small successes that add up
COUPLES AND RELATIONSHIPS

Think of a relationship you have with someone in your life, whether that relationship is good or bad. Who automatically came to mind? Was it your significant other, best friend, sibling, or parents? Perhaps you’ve developed some meaningful relationships at work and value how nice it is to be able to enjoy working with your colleagues.

You might say that all of those relationships, while not perfect, provide you with something – that certain something is not only important to you, but makes you feel good about yourself. These relationships you value provide additional meaning in your life, and you enjoy giving back without a second thought. Now think about what you value most about these relationships. Mutual respect, trust, and excellent communication may have come to mind. Perhaps you enjoy the relationship because despite an imbalance of power, your person is flexible and makes you feel valued and heard.

Some relationships are seemingly effortless, while others require a dedicated commitment to reach a healthy level of understanding, acceptance, and compromise. When relationship dynamics are built on principles that are mainly favorable for one person only, the relationship can become a source of stress, anxiety, and guilt. Unhealthy relationships are not just uncomfortable – they can deeply impact people on a physical and emotional level. We want to help you address the concerning relationships in your life so you can have a healthy, meaningful bond and put the right foot forward when making decisions about your future together.

There are an endless number of ways relationships can experience problems. You may find yourself feeling anxious or wanting to avoid contact at all. Your boundaries could be blurred, non-existent, or on total opposite ends of the spectrum. If you are in a relationship where the changes have been slow to occur or subtle, it might be even more difficult to address the issues because they might not be so obvious. You may even experience anger in a relationship but cannot pinpoint why.

Couples might also struggle with gender relationship norms, such as who cooks, cleans, and cares for children, creating tension that you wish would go away. You may be interested in exploring polyamory or non-monogamy but aren’t sure how to bring this up to your partner. Perhaps there has been infidelity, and one or both of you don’t know how to best proceed to make an effort to save the relationship or make a decision to part ways.
If you are a member of an LGBTQIA+ couple, you may have tried to find a therapist to help you in the past and discovered that they did not understand the unique concerns you and your partner have as a couple. Perhaps you are experiencing unique healthcare concerns, you want to raise children with your partner and need help discussing parenting roles, or you are happy as a couple but have not received the acceptance of your friends, family, or co-workers due to your sexualities and lifestyle. We will listen carefully to all of your concerns and respectfully guide you through your situation with all the warmth and grace you so deserve.

Therapy can help you discover what’s gone wrong in your relationships and what the path forward looks like. Stress from ongoing relationship issues can be compounded by other factors like chronic illness, financial worries, or cultural differences, making it difficult for partners to hear each other out. Physically, the ongoing chronic stress can impact your body’s immune system and make you more vulnerable to illness. Emotionally and psychologically, the impact of a troublesome relationship can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and provoke feelings of anxiety or depression. In trying to do your best to cope, you may find yourself trying to avoid certain situations by self-medicating with alcohol or other substances in order to deal with your pain and frustration. Therapy can help you to better understand and manage your relationships by helping you to:

  • Gain insight about how certain behaviors and attitudes that you may have learned are negatively affecting your interactions with others and vice versa
  • Learn skills that can help you look at situations with a different perspective so that you can decide how to address the issues in ways that boost your confidence and avoid conflicts
  • Increase your emotional intelligence so that you can learn how to better understand emotional cues from others and be able to respond in a productive way that also feels right
  • Learn how to set healthy boundaries without creating conflict
  • Boost your self-confidence and self-esteem by providing you with tools to help you make healthier decisions about relationships
LIFE TRANSITIONS

Adjusting to change can be hard, even when life transitions are positive. When you start a new job, welcome a new child to the family, or get married, you may experience a wide breadth of emotions beyond just happiness and excitement. You may have had to make many changes in your life that can feel overwhelming at times, and working to make everything fit in place once more can be stressful.

Not all life transitions are positive. When you move to a new location, experience the loss of a loved one, go through a divorce, retire, or become an “empty nester,” for example, you might expect some stress. However, you may also experience a loss of self-identity, depression, or financial struggles on top of it. Even positive life changes can cause conflict from time to time.

It’s normal to have strong feelings during life transitions, and they can certainly feel uncomfortable and tiring regardless of whether the changes are good or bad. When life transitions cause lasting stress and anxiety and impact other important areas of your life, it may help to find a therapist.

During our time together, we’ll talk about what you’re going through and uncover what is causing you to feel the way you do. The subject of our discussions might include:

  • How to positively frame the change that has taken place in your life
  • Self-growth and resilience related to change
  • How to prepare for future life transitions, as well as how the change you are going
    through will better prepare you to handle them
  • Recognizing when you feel anxious, stressed out, or depressed and how to address
    negative feelings when they arise
  • Time management and expectation-setting
  • Self-care – what it is and how it can benefit you
  • How to accept or normalize negative feelings associated with major life changes
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